1.Set a sensual scene.
Start by lying comfortably on your back wherever you feel most relaxed. Set a sensual scene with your favorite candles or incense and music that makes you feel sexy. And have your favorite massage oil nearby.
2. Let go of judgment.
Stop worrying about your body, your weight, that little scar you hate on your belly. One reason women don't have orgasms is because they are disconnected from their bodies and trapped in the negative thoughts swimming around in their minds. Get out of your head. Let go of any judgment. That's the only way you can fully relax into your body.
3. Focus on your breath.
The best way to get out of your head and into your body is to focus on your breathing. You want to take long, deep breaths in which you constrict the back of your throat so that you can hear your breath. We call this breath. When you hear your own breath aloud, it helps get you out of your head and into your body. This helps you feel more pleasure for longer. As with everything in Tantra and yoga, breathing is key to getting the most out of the practice.
4. Tease yourself.
Start by dripping some of your oil at the center of your heart between your breasts and a little at your belly. I prefer to use coconut oil—it smells good and feels great.
Begin at your belly. We hold a lot of stress here. Start with strokes around the belly, rib cage, and in between the breasts to tease yourself. Don't touch your breasts yet. We want to take time to stir up our sexual energy before getting to the breasts and nipples. Alternate between a featherlike touch with your fingertips and a medium-light touch to caress your stomach, between your breasts, and your neck.
5. Circle the breasts.
Once you start to feel your body react, use the featherlike touch to circle your breasts, then ease into massaging or squeezing your breasts. Wait to touch the nipples until you start to feel more turned on. Circling the breasts in large strokes around areola and breast without touching the nipples continues to build anticipation.
The big secret for this massage is edging, which is playing the edge of pleasure and teasing until the body responds by begging for more. This requires you to really listen to your body. Go slowly. Try not to focus on any end goal. Savor every touch and sensation. Take the time to become truly ready for the next phase.
6. Nipple arousal.
Once your body is begging for it, it's time to move on to the nipples. But even at this point, we want to tease the energy from the nipples and spread it throughout the whole body. The nipples release oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel good, relaxed, and gives us those warm and fuzzy feelings of love and bonding.
Start by tracing the areolae with a featherlike touch until the nipples become erect. Move between the nipples to the breasts to the neck and the belly.
Then you can move on to pinching. Pinching from the root of the nipple stimulates oxytocin. This mimics breastfeeding, so it should be a firm pinch that may feel painful for a second but then become a rush of pleasure. If you pinch the nipples harder, there is a larger surge of oxytocin and more pleasure. It's incredibly pleasurable as long as the nipples are aroused. Vary the pinching from lighter to stronger touches.
From the strong pinch, you can move on to the rolling technique. Start pinching the nipples firmly at the root and begin rolling the nipple between the thumb and index finger. Play with varying pressure from lighter to very strong. Rolling can create even deeper waves of oxytocin release.
Keep breathing through all of this, and if your mind wanders, focus on the sound of your breath.
7. Waves of orgasmic feelings.
Remember, this is not about having one big orgasm. This is about creating multiple waves of orgasmic feelings. When we are teasing ourselves, edging our pleasure, and moving our orgasmic energy throughout our body, our orgasms can become like waves moving through every vertebra.
When your body starts responding, massage yourself up to your neck, throat, head, temples, forehead, and scalp. Your scalp has very sensitive nerve endings as well. Arch your back and rock your spine back and forth while doing Kegel squeezes. Undulating your spine and rocking your hips helps create arousal through your whole body.
Use your hands to caress your body and keep focusing on your breathing. Place the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth to bring orgasmic energy into the mouth. You can tease your lower belly as if you were going to stimulate your clitoris, but don't. Just keep drawing that energy up to the breasts. This makes a full circle of orgasmic energy in your whole body.
When you start to feel really turned on, slow down. You want to create this back and forth of teasing, arousal, and anticipation and get to that edge of being close to orgasm. What you do at that point is up to you.